


With a Little Help from Our Friends

by outlawrites



Series: We Are Family Series [2]
Category: South Park
Genre: Affection, Aged-Up Character(s), Bigotry & Prejudice, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eric Cartman mention, Fluff, Friendship, Gift Fic, Healthy Relationships, Homophobia, Intersex, Just two adorable boyfriends trying to make their way through really, M/M, Magic, Mpreg, See the first story for origins, Smoking, Stalking, Stotch family mention, Underage Smoking, canon past abuse mention, death mention, discussion of toxic relationships, illness mention, kind of, kinda sorta?, loving relationship, low self-esteem mention, past stalking mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-15
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2018-03-30 14:55:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3941029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outlawrites/pseuds/outlawrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>----<br/>Kenny and Butters have been in love since before high school, and now, thanks to a gift from Imaginationland, they’re starting a new life together.</p><p>But their growing family is being harassed and threatened by Cartman after Butters told him off.</p><p>Kenny and Butters have had enough.</p><p>So now it’s up to the superheroes of South Park (…and Craig. And some of the girls… And a few other people) to save the day again!</p><p>——–<br/>Takes place after the events of “And Baby Makes Four”.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which There are Macaroons and Explanations

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter One: In which we catch up with Butters and Kenny after their trip to the grocery store, and some old wounds get cleaned when they check in with Kyle and Stan.

“D-do you think he’s home?”

Kenny looked beside him at Butters. “Of course he’s home, dude.” He leaned in to drop a kiss on his boyfriend’s fluffy hair while rubbing a comforting hand against Butters’ midsection. “I texted him and the others before we left our place.” He leaned back and glanced at the door, shifting a little at feeling the warm mid-June sunshine soak into the back of his shirt.

Kenny and Butters were holding hands on the Broflovskis’ doorstep, waiting for Kyle to let them in. According to Stan (thanks to Kyle’s hard work) the Broflovski and Marsh residences were like fortresses against Cartman’s intrusive nonsense. So now, when Cartman’s latest bullshit was so far out of hand that Butters and Kenny had needed help to deal with it, Kyle had agreed to host a meeting here. Besides Stan and Kyle, Kenny had also called on some of their old classmates for assistance.

Everybody had responded positively when Kenny’s text went out, and he was looking forward to seeing everyone, even if it was for a shitty reason. _Sometimes,_ Kenny reminded himself, _the strongest thing you can do is admit you need help_. Kenny smiled at Butters reassuringly.

Butters flashed a quivery little smile back, leaned up swiftly to kiss Kenny on the cheek, and then returned to looking at the door. There was a moment of silence.

“But did he text back?” fretted Butters.

Kenny felt the hand clasped in his twitch, and guessed (to his dismay) that if Butters weren’t holding hands with him, his old knuckle-rubbing habit would be out in full force. Upset at seeing Butters so frazzled, Kenny nodded to him kindly and knocked again- a touch more firmly this time.

Out of his peripheral vision, Kenny noticed Butters still fidgeting a lot. Thinking it was nerves, he squeezed his boyfriend’s hand in reassurance.

Butters’ mouth tightened up. His eyes were laser-focused on the door. “Aw _Ken_ , I hope he answers soon. I gotta pee REAL BAD.”

Kenny’s eyes widened and he choked on his laughter. “Ah. Sorry, Babe.” He glanced around the quiet street. “If they don’t answer in the next minute or so, maybe just _water_ Mrs. B’s garden out back?”

Butters looked scandalized. “Kenny!” He rested his free hand on the swell of his stomach. “What kind of example is that to our future children? Peein’ in public!”

“A desperate, practical example.” muttered Kenny, starting to get itchy now too. Where the HELL was Kyle?

That question got answered in the form of the door flying open and a set of hands tugging them over the threshold.

“WOAH-”

“H-hey now!”

Kyle shut the door quickly behind them, looking vaguely aggravated. “Ugh, sorry! Considering the problem at hand, the less attention we draw to your whereabouts, the better.” He looked them up and down quickly. “I was just adjusting some of the monitoring equipment I use at the edge of the property and I didn’t realize you guys were already here.”

Kyle took a slow, deep breath, then pushed a hand through his curls and popped his neck, stretching himself out calmly. He focused his gaze on Kenny and Butters. “So,” he said, raising an eyebrow, “I heard you have a pest problem.”

Kenny grimaced. “Yeah. That fucker threatened Butters. Made some shitty comments about thinking we’re faking the pregnancy and basically implied he’s going to try and get us investigated or something.”

Kenny felt his jaw tense up. “I’d just brush it off, but even if he couldn’t convince someone official to give us shit, he’s got other methods to mess with us. There’s still a lot of gullible or bigoted jerkoffs around here he could rile up and send our way. You know how he good he is at that.” He shot a look Kyle’s way.

“And he bugged our house, too!” piped up Butters.

Kyle sighed, gritting his teeth a little. “Will fatass _never learn_?” His studied them for a moment and shook his head. “And trying to pull that shit on you two, no less. I mean, aren’t you like, the only people from our old class who still talk to him?”

Kenny shrugged and looked away, and Butters squirmed, uncomfortable. “W-well, not _exactly_. Ever since Ken and I started dating he was j-just too _awful_ , and we stopped spending time with him.” Kyle tipped his head in acknowledgement, eyebrows raised as though this was no real surprise.

“B-but-“and Butters glanced at Kenny again, who was staring at his shoes. “We never really tried hard to avoid him or anything either. Sometimes, if we saw him while we was o-out or something, we’d stop and say hello.”

Kenny snorted. “Yeah, and even in those fun little conversations he couldn’t stop talking shit.”

Butters sighed. “T-that’s true. It just never really bothered me much cause we didn’t see him too often, and it’s not like anything he said could really touch us.” He rubbed Kenny’s arm, then reached down to twine their fingers together.

“S-so we just rolled our eyes and wrote it off to Eric bein’ Eric, ya know? Offensive, but mostly more annoyin’ than anythin’. Cause, yeah, he’s _awful_ , but we’ve sorta always been _used_ to that.”

He bit his lip, looking up at Kenny then back at Kyle, apologetically. “I know you always had bad problems because of him though, Kyle, and I hope you know we’ve always taken that real seriously. We never told him anything about you or Stan, and when he figured out we wouldn’t, he stopped tryin’ to ask.”

“I’m sorry if we-” he paused there, and Kenny could tell he was looking for words that could convey his depth of feeling “I’m sorry if we’ve ever given ya the impression that we didn’t care enough about that. By. By still speakin’ to him sometimes.” Kenny finally looked up to make eye contact with Kyle for a few seconds, nodding in solemn agreement.

Kyle looked a little uncomfortable and just shrugged, now looking away himself. Kenny squeezed Butters’ hand as a sign to just go on without further reference to that part of things. What could they really say?

 _We hurt him_ , Kenny thought, _and our intentions don’t change that._ Their handling of the situation had been naïve and kind of wrong, and Kyle was not obligated to discuss his feelings about it. Butters’ bottom lip trembled, and though he went on resolutely, his voice was thick and crackling with suppressed crying.

“It’s j-just we felt sorta bad about him. I-I mean, I know Eric is an a-asshole, but I don’t think _anybody_ deserves to be _all_ alone, ya know?” He looked down, pursing his lips, and toed at the Broflovski’s floor dejectedly. “I guess I g-gotta revise my opinion on that a little.”

Kyle, gaze still averted, sighed. Then he rolled his eyes and shot Kenny a long-suffering look over Butters’ miserably lowered head. Kyle’s expression was so practical and understanding- it made Kenny’s heart ache with fond appreciation. Kyle rolled his eyes off to the side and shrugged, his lips quirking up a little.

 _We’re not perfect,_ Kenny thought _. It’s not like that asshole never hurt us either- we’re just used to being treated shitty, so we ignored it. Kyle knows that. He’s seen how Butters and I feel about abandoning people; he knows why things went down like that. He doesn’t_ like _it- but he_ gets _it._ Kenny smiled back- wistful but thankful- and made a mental note to try harder to spend some time with Kyle during his hours off soon.

Kyle redirected his gaze to Butters and gestured them towards the kitchen table. “C’mon, Butters.” Kyle touched the sniffling boy’s shoulder, and his voice was kind. “I think Mom set out some of those little coconut cookies you like.”

Butters, his still eyes wet, sent a wobbly, grateful smile at Kyle and trailed after him into the kitchen. Kenny brought up the rear, shaking his head; Mrs. Broflovski could be loud and bossy as hell, but she was also really thoughtful. Ever since Butters had become more of an installation in Kenny’s (and therefore Kyle’s) life, she’d made an effort to keep a few little things around the place for when he visited.

Butters had still been living with his parents when he’d had these cookies for the first time. It was here, while working on a school project at the Broflovskis’ house. Sheila had heard about Butters’ allergy and had gone out of her way to get coconut macaroons instead of the almond type she usually bought for her family. Actually, over the years, these cookies had become Butters’ favorite.

Kenny wasn’t really accustomed to the type of warmth and kindness the Broflovskis’ extended to their guests, but he understood it was important to them, and he appreciated it himself. For a little while he’d assumed that their family’s welcoming consideration to guests was the only motivation behind Sheila’s gestures. Then, a few years ago as he passed the closed door to their room, Kenny had heard Sheila talking to Gerald about Butters.

“And well of course I asked him to stay for dinner! I’ve never met a child who could do with more parenting than that boy!” He’d felt touched on Butters’ behalf for about three seconds, until she followed it up with, “I mean _, Stuart and Carol_ are poor and ignorant, but at least when they’re sober they try to be _nice_ to their children!”

Ah. Well…

It’s not like she was _wrong_.

Bringing himself back to the present, Kenny watched as Butters settled himself carefully down at the kitchen table. He took up more room these days, and it embarrassed Butters if he accidentally knocked things over with his tummy. But he also had a harder time moving around, so Kenny leaned in and helped him scoot his chair forward.

Butters smiled up at him gratefully, and then took the plate of macaroons from Kyle. “Thank you!” chirped Butters, seemingly addressing both the other boys.

“You’re welcome.” Kyle replied automatically.

“No problem, Babe.” The air was heavily scented with the sweet smell from the plate. Kenny licked his lips. If he was being honest, Butters was not the only one who liked those cookies.

“ _Anyway_ , Butters” Kyle said, returning to their previous discussion with his head resting on his hand. “I wouldn’t worry yourself too much about Cartman being lonely. Rumor has it that besides all the stupidest people in _this_ town, he’s also managed to make some friends with _influence_ over in North Park.”

Butters’ brow furrowed as he lifted a sweet to his mouth. “Influence?” He took a bite and looked between Kenny and Kyle.

Kenny rolled his eyes as he nabbed a cookie. “Money, Babe. Power _bought_ with money. Cartman’s gotten himself some rich friends.”

Butters finished chewing and swallowed his cookie. “Oh.” He licked the chocolate off his fingertips, while keeping his gaze trained politely on Kyle. “Is that why he’s dressin’ so sharp these days?”

Kenny’s eyes, admittedly, were a lot more focused on the tip of Butters’ pink tongue cleaning off the chocolate, but he listened for Kyle’s reply anyway.

Kyle raised an eyebrow. “If you can _call_ that sharp- sure. Yeah, that’s probably why. Actually,” his eyes flicked distractedly to the clock, then came back to rest on Butters “that’s probably why he’s been doing a majority of the things he’s done lately. But there’s no tie I can think of between that and him bugging you guys.”

He settled back in his chair comfortably, resting his head against his joined hands. “I’ll catch you up on what I know when Stan gets here. No point in going through it twice.”

“O-okay, Kyle. Thank you!” said Butters. He suddenly sat up straight and started easing off the chair “U-um I’ll be right back fellas.” His cheeks were tinged a little pink, and his smile was sheepish. “I just gotta use the restroom.”

Kenny watched him fast-walk out of the kitchen with a fond expression. “He’s doing that all the time now.”

Kenny could feel Kyle staring at him. When he turned, the look Kyle was giving him was pricelessly disbelieving.

“Doing what? _Peeing_?”

Kenny cracked up. “Yeah, yeah, make fun. I’m getting sappy because somebody’s going to the can. Laugh it up, I deserve it.” He shook his head and faced the table again to grab a cookie. He barely chewed, devouring the sweet, soft thing in 2 quick bites before explaining.

“It gets to me ‘cause it reminds me of what’s happening in a few months, man. He’s got to go more because of the kids. They’re getting bigger and like, pressing on stuff.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he noted Kyle’s expression edge deeper into incredulity. _Hah! Well, that’s fun_. _I miss teasing these guys_. He stretched out slowly on the Broflovski’s kitchen chair, aiming for debauched -looking. “Yeah. Makes him waaay more sensitive during sex, too, and let me tell ya, dude-”

Kyle made a disgusted little noise. “ _KENNETH_ JAMES _MCCORMICK_ what did I _tell_ you about my ears and your fucking sex life?”

Kenny smirked. “That you want me to hold ‘em when-”

Kyle, gritting his teeth, socked him hard in the arm. Kenny broke off into helpless, giddy laughter. Kyle glared.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, man!” He was wheezing too hard at Kyle’s expression to make the words remotely credible. “Or like, almost sorry?”

Kyle’s eyes had moved past mere ire to promising pain. “Very _funny_ , Kenny. Do you suppose _Stan_ would find your comments very funny, Kenny?”

Ever since they started dating in high school, Stan became well-known in town for vehemently “defending Kyle’s honor” against all possible threats. Kyle’s official stance was that he thought it was a little ridiculous, but it was one of those things Kenny could tell he secretly liked about Stan. Stan had once tried to fight a guy who came onto Kyle at a party and when Kyle dragged him away they were gone for good, oh, thirty-five minutes?

Now, Kenny was a person who liked sex. Kenny was a person who knew what the after effects of good sex looked like on other people. Kenny was _pretty fucking positive_ Stan’s overprotective nature was one of the things that Kyle liked about their relationship more than he let on (to anyone besides Stan).

Sitting back in his chair at the Broflovskis’ table, Kenny bit his lip to keep the laughter in. His eyes must have still been too bright with it, though, because Kyle scoffed irritably and turned away with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Asshole.”

Kenny struggled to control himself for a few more moments. Finally, after staring at the ceiling and taking a few deep breaths, he got himself in check. He leaned in and bumped shoulders with Kyle, sincerity in his tone and contrition on his face.

“I _am_ sorry dude. Seriously. I think I’ve been in crucial need of a laugh after all the stress lately, especially with this new shit happening.” Kenny felt his teeth clench up. “Like I don’t have enough fucking shit going down in my domicile.”

He scratched at the table with his fingernails a little, growing more sober by the minute as he stared out the window. “The thought of that fucking clown trying to frighten Butters, especially during the pregnancy, it just-” he let the sentence fall there, too angry to continue.

Kenny’s gaze returned to Kyle’s back, still stiff and pointedly turned his way, and he remembered his point. “But that’s no excuse to rile you up just for my own amusement.” He tilted his head apologetically in Kyle’s direction. “Dick move. Sorry.” He folded up his hands to avoid accidentally scratching up the table for real.

Kyle huffed out a slow breath, and his shoulders relaxed a little. “Yeah alright, I get that you’re stressed, but just knock it off, okay?” His voice was soft as he continued, “You _don’t_ have to deal with this alone.”

There was a moment of quiet and then he turned and eyed Kenny with a stern expression. “ _Unless_ you’re going to keep extolling the virtues of sex with Butters, in which case, AHA yeah, you’re sunk, buddy.”

Kenny must have been smiling too much, because Kyle went on, his voice taking on the intensity of a desperate man. “I mean it, Kenny! It’s bad enough when _he_ talks about your ‘bedroom skills’. If _you_ start, he’ll never shut up about it.”

Kenny just grinned, and despite not currently wearing it, mimed pulling his parka strings to close his hood. “Not a word.”

Kyle snorted. He rolled his eyes and glanced at the clock again while absently nibbling a macaroon. “I told Stan to get here about now and the others in about an hour. I figure it’s more sensible to spread out what time everyone arrives in case Cartman’s watching any of them too.”

He turned to look solemnly at Kenny. “But he’s probably not.” Kenny blinked, tilting his head questioningly.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Kyle said, shaking his head. “Cartman still wants to control everybody. But honestly? He doesn’t usually try very hard anymore. I don’t know if you realize it, but these days he only expends this much effort on, you know, _us four_.”

Kenny felt kind of ill. “Really, dude? Just-”

“Just you. Butters. Stan. and me.” Kyle's voice was so serious that it made the ‘danger’ meter in Kenny’s head spike. “And these days? Thanks to the restraining orders and systems I’ve set up here? …Really just you and Butters.” Kenny kind of thought he might throw up. Kyle must have felt that way too because his face scrunched up in deep discomfort.

“It’s like, like some _monster-thing’s_ idea of how to care about people. It’s fucking sick. He was _always_ trying to watch me; in classes, in the locker rooms- he would find out I was going somewhere and conveniently show up, pretending I was somehow inconveniencing _him_ by being there. It was horrifying and not _remotely_ subtle.”

Kyle’s grim gaze fixed on Kenny, whose eyes were wide with alarm. “But he only went to the next level- putting up the cameras and going after Stan- when Stan started openly dating me. I think he was shocked that there was stuff going on in our lives that he didn’t know about.”

Kenny felt his nose wrinkle up, disgustedly. He’d never realized it was that bad. “Jesus. _Seriously_? I had no…Kyle, I’m so _sorry_.”

Kyle nodded briskly, businesslike, apparently making an effort to detach himself from the memories of a few summers ago. “Yeah. I paid this hacker chick to find and destroy any footage he had of me, any mention of me, either on his computer or online. That kind of thing. It wouldn’t have been possible if he was covering his tracks better, but you know how arrogant he is-” Kyle smiled bitterly. “He figured he was untouchable.”

Kyle closed his eyes, seeming irritable.

“She never told me _all_ the details, because I frankly did not want to fucking know, _but, apparently_ , whatever she found in his notes was so disturbing that she insisted on training me to protect myself. Digitally _and_ physically.” Kyle’s eye twitched a little and he shook his head. “She didn’t even _charge_ for that part.” His teeth ripped fiercely into the cookie he was holding, tearing it in half.

Kenny stared. “I…Jesus.”

Kyle threw him a sideways look, still chewing ferociously. He swallowed the cookie before answering. “I _know_ , _right_? After that she took off for the other side of the globe and said not to bother trying to contact her for a good ten years.” He tossed the rest of the macaroon into his mouth and went to turn off the teakettle, which had begun howling on the stove.

Kenny, his head whirling a little, went to the cupboard to get down four mugs. “So like, she’s afraid of him?”

Kyle rolled his eyes, reaching for the hot chocolate canister on the counter. “Not exactly. She’s a grown woman and she can handle herself.” He handed the cocoa mix to Kenny, who doled out a portion to each mug. Kyle crossed over to the stove to wrangle the teakettle, still speaking.

“I mean, he’s clearly messed up and dangerous, but it was more like she was so _disgusted_ that she didn’t want to share a continent with someone like that. Said she had clients who’d left her an open invitation to their ‘gorgeous tropical vacation house’ and now seemed like a good time to take it. She _did_ leave me an emergency number, but I don’t think we’ll need her help for this. The same measures I’ve taken around here and at Stan’s should do fine.”

Kyle paused, holding the kettle, and faced Kenny. “You know, it’s funny?”

“Yeah?” said Kenny.

“I could have sworn all this shit was dying down, honestly. I mean, he’s creepy and he plays a long game when it comes to revenge, but considering all these new people he hangs out with? Cartman seemed to be losing interest in us lately.” Kyle shrugged. “I just can’t think of why he’d suddenly decide that you and Butters merited this kind of attention. The babies?”

Kenny sighed, looking around the room restlessly. “That’s part of it” he nodded. “But something else you said makes me think there’s more to it than that. The thing about control? When he approached Butters about a month ago, he was trying to pull his usual bullshit and Butters was _not_ having it. I think it pissed Cartman off.”

Kyle’s eyes widened and he glanced in the direction of the bathroom with something like respect. “Butters finally told him off, huh?” He grinned fiercely. “Good for Butters.”

Kenny snorted. “Now, see, ordinarily I’d agree with you full stop, man. But considering what’s come of it, I’m not actually sure this _is_ so good for Butters.” He eyed the mugs of cocoa mix broodingly. “I want him to stand up for himself, but I’m worried about what the stress of all this shit will do to him and the twins.”

“I mean,” (and Kenny couldn’t keep the choking desperation out of his voice now if he _tried_ ) “it’s not like this is a normal pregnancy in the first place. I don’t-. He’s already been through so much and I just-. I want him to be SAFE and _happy_. Not freaking out and _worried sick_.”

Kenny was worried enough for two. No, for _four_. Between Cartman’s brand of ‘attention’ and the number of horrible people Kenny’d heard whispering about him and Butters around town, Kenny thought he might scream from the stress.

He must have looked like even more of a wreck than he felt because Kyle had set down the teakettle again and actually had an arm around him now. “ _Dude_. Hey. It’s gonna be okay, Kenny. We _all_ want Butters and your kids to be safe. We’ll help however we can, all right?”

Kenny sniffed a little, looking away while he grabbed a napkin from the center of the table to blow his nose. “Thanks, man,” he said quietly. “Means a lot.” It meant almost as much that Kyle kept his arm around Kenny’s shoulders while he blew his nose; given Kyle’s distaste for bodily fluids and germs, it was unusual for him to even sit too close to someone using a tissue.

The front doorbell broke the silence, announcing Stan’s arrival. Kenny took the opportunity to pour the hot water into the mugs while Kyle went to greet his boyfriend.

While he waited, Kenny’s thoughts turned to Butters- he was taking an awfully long time considering he was just supposed be pissing. Now, normally Kenny would just shrug and assume (especially in the cozy fortress of Kyle’s house) that everything was fine.

But he wasn’t Normal Kenny anymore, was he? He said goodbye to that guy when he got his cute, trouble-magnet boyfriend, pregnant. Kenny frowned and was heading in the direction of the nearest bathroom when he was intercepted by Stan.

“Hey dude!” Stan threw up a hand in greeting.

Kenny threw a quick, wary eye toward the part of the house where he thought Butters had went, but then immediately returned Stan’s gesture and grinned. Between his shifts and the work around the house, it had been awhile since he and Butters had seen these guys. “Hey Stan. How’s it going?”

Stan shrugged cheerily. “Mostly fine. We still have most of the summer before Kyle and I need to head to State, but my parents are being really clingy.”

Kyle snorted, rolling his eyes and tilting his head at Stan. “ _YOUR_ parents are? _Please_.”

Stan laughed a little. “Okay, so they don’t take the gold for clinging. That’s, as always, Gerald and Sheila. Mostly Sheila.” He glanced at Kyle, who nodded in weary confirmation.

“Other than that, dude, my therapist is trying me out on some new meds. So far so good.” He crossed his fingers and shrugged again.

Kenny’s heart clenched a little watching Kyle watch Stan. He was rubbing a hand lightly up and down Stan’s arm, and probably unconsciously, Stan was leaning into the touch a little. They were so fucking cute together, it was ridiculous.

Ooh. Speaking of cute. Boyfriend. Bathroom. Way too long. “I’m glad to hear it about the meds, dude. I hope they work out like you want.” Kenny said. Stan nodded.

Kenny gestured behind him. “The cocoa’s basically ready in there. I’m going to go check on Butters- he’s been gone a long time and considering all this fuckery, it’s making me friggin’ nervous.”

Kyle quirked an eyebrow but shifted his shoulder in the direction of the bathroom that Butters had chosen.

Stan nodded in agreement with Kenny. “Yeah man, you better check on him. You know how embarrassed he gets when the toilet paper runs out. He probably like, knocked over the soap dish or some shit.”

Kenny stifled a snorting laugh that he felt would not have been kind to Butters, and headed off in that direction. “Don’t forget my marshmallows!” he called over his shoulder.

He didn’t need to turn to know that Kyle was rolling his eyes- Kenny’s standard cup of cocoa _always_ included marshmallows- and after ten plus years of making it Kyle scarcely needed to be reminded.


	2. Affection and Apprehension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny, Butters, Kyle and Stan catch up while they wait for the others to arrive, and some pointed questions lay bare Kenny and Butters' worries about the birth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to thelastflower for your comment, and everyone who has read and liked it so far!

Butters, it turned out, was _thankfully_ fine. He’d just realized he had to do more than pee once he got into the restroom. Kenny found him blushing and trying to burn a sea breeze candle in the Broflovskis’ bathroom to eliminate the smell.

Kenny (who had died of fire more times than he would like) had to take a deep breath to quell his anxiety and resist the urge to scold his _grown-ass boyfriend_ for using matches. _You know McCormick,_ he mocked himself mentally, _using matches,_ _an activity which is **fine for adults**_.

 _He’s accident-prone, not five, he’s accident-prone, not_ **five** , he repeated to himself like a mantra. He shooed Butters away from the lit candle toward the hallway. “Dude, don’t even worry about it. Here, look, there’s a fan over here for the shower. That’ll take care of it.”

Butters blinked. “Oh! I forgot about that, Ken, thanks.” He looked Kenny over carefully, clearly taking in his expression and tight shoulders. “Aw, buddy, I got you all twisted up and worried. I’m sorry.”

Kenny sighed and blew out the candle. “It’s fine, man.” He dropped a kiss on the top of Butters’ head and turned off the fan. “I just got nervous when you were gone so long. Ugh.”

Butters laughed a little at Kenny’s irritation with himself, but he must have understood Kenny’s unease given their current problems with Cartman and some of the town, because he took his hand and held on tight all the way back to the kitchen.

-

Kenny settled Butters back in with Stan and Kyle at the table and re-engaged in their earlier small talk over cocoa. The drink was comforting (probably just as Kyle had intended) and Butters seemed calmer than when they’d arrived. Their talk moved past how everyone had been doing that summer to the topic of the upcoming births.

“Do you have a name yet?” asked Kyle, sipping his hot chocolate.

“ _Names_ ” said Kenny proudly, rubbing a gentle hand against Butters’ stomach. “Don’t forget, dude, we’re getting the 2 for 1 deal on progeny.”

Butters giggled and leaned up to kiss Kenny’s cheek. His gaze shifted down. “Oops!”He lingered close for a moment, carefully wiping at Kenny’s face where he’d left a kiss mark of sparkly chap stick and melted chocolate. “Sorry, Ken.”

Kenny grinned, looking him in the eye, and quickly captured Butters’ fingers to lick the chocolate off. “Like. I. _care,_ ” he said, between licks, his voice heavily amused and his face adoring.

“ ** _I_** care,” said Kyle, a look of dismay on his face. “PDA much?”

Kenny wagged his eyebrows at Kyle- but out of respect to their earlier conversation, he released Butters’ hand and refrained from also leaning in to clean the chocolate off his boyfriend’s mouth. Butters must have guessed from the kiss mark he’d left though, because he licked his lips and then patted them with a napkin.

Stan, meanwhile, was hiding _his_ mouth behind his hand, apparently not wanting Kyle to see him laughing; but it was useless because Kyle _definitely_ noticed. Stan pulled his hand down, grinning sheepishly. “What? It’s cute!” Kyle looked at him despairingly. Stan bit his lip.

“So!” He swiveled away from Kyle to address the table as whole, and his tone hearty and false. “ _Twins_!” His smile was a little too wide as he looked around expectantly at the other guys.

Kenny snorted. Kyle declined comment, settling for merely raising one unimpressed eyebrow. Kenny decided to take pity on Stan and go back to the previous subject.

“Yeah, twins. As for their names, Kyle, we don’t have many yet. Karen asked if we were going to name them after anyone but-” he paused and looked at Butters.

Butters’ cheeks were tinged pink. “I kinda thought about naming them after Kenny’s parents as a way to be nice.” He bit his lip. “But I was _also_ thinking that it would be a nice way to give a big fuck you to MY parents, and that’s just not…”

Stan and Kyle glanced at each other then back at Butters questioningly.

Kenny picked up the lapsed sentence “In the end we decided that the whole idea was misplaced.” He looked over at Butters and clasped his hand. “These are gonna be brand new people, so they need brand new names.”

“Y-yeah,” murmured Butters, and his voice was soft but firm. “We don’t want to start their lives with other people’s names and b-baggage. And naming them for someone else outta respect OR spite, well…that’s just horrible. They need somethin’ _new_ and clean. Besides,” he touched a hand to his stomach, “these poor kids are gonna have enough weirdness in their lives without that kinda nonsense.”

Kyle was smiling. “That’s very sensible, Butters.” he glanced at Stan again, then back across the table “But I think those kids are gonna be pretty lucky, having parents that think about all those important things.”

“Mhm,” agreed Stan, sipping at his drink.

Kenny grinned at his friends, knowing without even looking at Butters that he would have been touched by that. “Thanks you guys. The middle name slots are different though, so if we want to honor anybody, we might give a kid their name in that spot.” He looked at Butters, who nodded.

“That oughta be okay! It’s just a middle name, after all. But not after anyone’s parents, cause even if _Kenny_ didn’t mean it like that, for me it would always be a little…well.” He looked around the table, and then took a sip of his cocoa, only his face conveying his thoughts.

Stan looked at Butters solemnly “I- we get it, dude.” Butters nodded to him gratefully, but didn’t say anything, opting to silently reach for another cookie instead.

Kyle pushed the plate a little closer to Butters while addressing Kenny. “So, you don’t know their names yet, but you know what you’re _not_ naming them.” He was quiet for a second, thoughtful. “Well, it’s a start.”

“Basically,” replied Kenny, nodding. “And before you guys ask,” he raised a hand as though to wave away the question “No, we don’t know their sex yet.”

“W-we don’t have any preference neither.” said Butters, halfway through his current cookie.

“Well, that’s good,” said Stan. “That way you’ll be happy.”

“Mhm!” said Butters. “And we’re not gonna fuss about their genders much either.” He looked over at Kenny lovingly. “It’s the most important thing to us that that they’re happy, that’s all, right Ken?”

Kenny nodded mildly, petting at Butters’ hand on the table. “Yeah. Plus,” he smirked around at Kyle and Stan and mimed putting on a crown and twirling his hair, “it would be a little hypocritical, ya know?”

Kyle cracked a grin at that, and Stan laughed so hard he choked on a marshmallow, which led to a good seven seconds of Kyle hollering and whacking him on the back to get it out. Butters, very concerned, gasped and leaned forward. Kenny didn’t. After so many years experience, Kenny could practically _taste_ a possible imminent death nearby- Stan was gonna be fine.

He sat back, sipping his cocoa and just affectionately observing the people here with him. His lover and his buddies. His friends. Shit, sometimes he didn’t like to think about how lucky he was to have them; afraid that acknowledging his excellent luck would _turn_ it.

Of course _then_ he remembered all the gruesome deaths, and HEY presto change-o, he figured he also had his share of bad luck, so appreciating the people he loved would probably be okay.

A moment or two later, Stan was red faced and watery-eyed but fine, and Kyle was kissing his forehead and hugging Stan’s head to his chest and admonishing him to “chew your _food_ and don’t you EVER scare me like that again!”

Kenny resisted the urge to mutter “Yes, Mom” under his breath on Stan’s behalf. He could see Stan’s expression from here, and everything he was feeling was written there clear as day. Stan knew Kyle had just been scared for him, so he wasn’t annoyed at Kyle’s loud reaction- if anything he was enjoying being fussed over. Since neither of them would appreciate a jibe, Kenny opted to keep his mouth occupied with draining his mug.

“You alright, Stan?” said Butters worriedly, trying to peer at his face.

Stan nodded, coughing a little, as Kyle released him and moved back to get him a glass of water. “M’fine. No big.” He eyed Butters’ middle for a moment. The room fell quiet besides Kyle filling a water glass over at the tap.

Stan meanwhile, was still glancing at and away from Butters’ stomach, and seemed to be struggling with something. He opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again and hesitated, before finally moving to ask the question that was on his mind.

“So uh…not to be uh…rude or anything, like don’t feel obligated to answer, but do they um... know yet… how they’re going to get the babies out?”

It was Kenny’s turn to choke now, and the hot chocolate scalded all the way down the wrong pipe. Over his own wheezing, he heard Kyle slamming down the water glass on the table and yelling “STANLEY!”

Kenny wanted finish coughing so he could _ask Stan_ how Randy _managed_  to throw his voice all the way to Kyle’s house _through Stan’s mouth_. Given the exasperated look on Kyle’s face, he seemed to be thinking the same thing. But before Kyle could begin lecturing Stan, or Kenny could even begin to recover- Butters was answering, one hand patting soothingly at Kenny’s knee.

“We don’t actually, no” he said truthfully. “I’m still just a few months in, but the doctors are trying to decide how to approach the birth.” He shrugged, clearly uneasy.

“It’s not like there’s very much even close in the way of precedent.” He perked up a little, nodding earnestly. “ _Some_ , mind ya! My case is ah-a _little_ like _some_ i-intersex people, I _think_?” He frowned, then shook his head. “I’m real new to this whole thing. My whole _body_ changed when this started. But uh, from what I can find,” he looked over to check on Kenny, and moved his hand up to rub his back, his voice getting soft “there’s nothing **_exactly_** like this.”

Kenny wheezed and put his head on his arms for a moment to recover. He felt Butters’ hand still petting him through his shirt and knew Butters had moved past an assessing touch and was trying to comfort him instead.

 _Shit_. Yeah, okay, it was important. And yeah, this whole pregnancy and the…the end of it were bound to be a source of curiosity for people; but with everything else going on, Kenny really wished that Stan hadn’t brought up that _particular_ part right now.

\---

“How is the birth going to happen?”

It was a worry Butters and Kenny had both been suffering under every day since they’d first discovered the babies. Honestly, it was a _deep_ enough fear that instead of leaving it to the doctors, they’d tried to do their own research too. The whole crux of the matter was this- considering their future children’s half-magical origins, it was almost certainly bound to be an unusual birth. If Kenny and Butters were lucky, that would be a _positive_ thing- if _not_ …well. It didn’t bear thinking about.

Except (until this new shit with Cartman) Kenny hadn’t been able think about anything else. Presumably, Butters felt the same. For a long time, they danced around the subject, focusing on their work and everyday lives- but their refusal to speak about their uncertainties was taking a toll. A couple just can’t live with that kind of terrible question filling the silence between everything they say.

Finally, a few weeks ago, the two of them had finally found the courage to discuss this stress that was eating them alive. They were cuddling in bed after an especially passionate go-round, and Butters had whispered to Kenny that he didn’t know what the plan was, and that he was scared.

“What is something goes _wrong_ , Ken?”

“With the babies?” Kenny whispered back.

Butters shivered “Yeah.”

“Or the birth, itself.” Kenny murmured, finally giving voice to his greatest fear. He wasn’t proud of what happened next, but he’d swear until his final death that he couldn’t have waited any longer to tell Butters what was really scaring him.

Kenny, guilt roiling in his guts, told Butters that he never, _ever_ wanted to choose; but that he would. And that, _without hesitation_ , he’d choose Butters over the kids if the birth went awry. Butters had been very quiet after that.

Finally he’d reached into the aching silence and brought Kenny’s mouth to his. When the kiss broke, he cuddled back down into Kenny’s side and said “Don’t you worry. I don’t think that’s how our story together ends, Kenny.”

“But…Bu-”

Butters shook his head furiously. “No! Ken. I don’t want to talk about it.” He looked at Kenny beseechingly “Either way I would _lose_ , Ken.” He was shivering hard in Kenny’s arms now.

“I’d feel like it’s selfish to choose myself even though it _isn’t_ \- it’s _my_ life, and we fought hard to get this far!” He hugged Kenny tightly, his breath quick and shuddery. “And even though I ALREADY love them SO MUCH, I’d feel just as bad if I chose them over me because-” and his voice broke “because I feel like I’d be choosing them over my life with _you_ and you mean _everything_ to me, Kenny.”

His shoulders were shaking and Kenny knew if it was a little brighter in their bedroom he’d see his boyfriend on the verge of crying. _Oh God, what do I-?_ He leaned in, kissing at Butters’ eyelids, which, sure enough were wet.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, Buttercup. _Please_ don’t cry. We’ll…we’ll figure it out somehow, okay?”

Butters sniffed softly, nuzzling his face into Kenny’s shoulder. After a few more seconds of this, he wiped his eyes on the sheet and sighed in exhaustion. “I don’t know what we even _can_ do, Ken. Not really.” He pressed a kiss onto Kenny's skin, and Kenny felt it radiate through his whole body.

Kenny looked down at Butters, and raised the arm he had wrapped around him to pet through his boyfriend’s damp hair. He moved the other to press carefully against Butters’ tummy, where the twins were hopefully asleep.

From what Kenny had understood after reading their baby books, being in utero was sorta like what people said about being in a coma? Supposedly you could hear every damn thing people said. He thought he’d feel guilty the rest of his life if their kids _weren’t_ asleep, and they just heard their fuckin’ Dad telling their Mom that he would knock them off. Jesus. He pressed a kiss to Butters’ hair, fretting about this for a few minutes.

He thought Butters had fallen asleep, when suddenly, he stirred a little and went stiff in Kenny’s arms. “Hey Ken?”

Kenny winced, afraid of what Butters might say next. _I swear, if I’ve upset you too much, I’ll find a way to make it up, Babe, I_ **swear** _it._ He swallowed past a dry mouth. “Yeah, Buttercup?”

“Don’t worry, okay?”

Kenny felt a blank sort of buzzing in his ears. “Um..wait what?”

Butters, with some difficulty- and Kenny’s assistance- rolled to a seated position, and looked at Kenny. He looked into Kenny’s eyes, his expression so fierce and firm even in the dark that Kenny could tell and felt a little awed.

“I said- don’t worry.”

“I…” Kenny swallowed, still caught in that stare. “I’m not sure how not to? B-but um” he quailed a little as Butters gaze burned brighter, more intensely into his. “But if that’s what you want, I won’t?” _How_ he thought to himself. _How am I supposed to NOT worry about this?_

Butters though, seemed to be coming back down from his strange sternness. His posture relaxed and he reached up a hand to stroke through Kenny’s hair.“Thank you.” He bit his lip.

“I-it’s just,” his eyes shifted, went unfocused as though he were staring into the distance. “I get the feeling like it’s important. The not-worryin’.”

Kenny, mouth open and blinking tried to think that through. It was almost there, on the edge of his brain, understanding nearly in his grasp. “Whuh-”

Butters shook his head, looking at Kenny sleepily. “Huh? What’s the matter, Ken?”

Kenny thought his eyes might pop out. _Ooh, let’s not go there_. “You don’t remember talking a second ago?”

Butters blinked, his forehead creased in thought. “Oh. I…oh yeah!” He looked at Kenny excitedly, and grabbed both Kenny’s hands, clutching them close to himself. “Now, it’s not everything, mind you, but it’s a lot!”

Kenny stared at him mutely, his mind still floundering and his brow furrowed in confusion. Butters must have noticed because he pressed on without waiting for a reply.

“The _kids_ , Ken. Part of how they _got_ here is through imaginary methods, right?” Butters looked at him earnestly.

Kenny nodded slowly, cautious.

“W-well, then it stands to reason that for kids like _ours_ , it’s extra-EXTRA important to think good thoughts and stay positive. If they came from the imagination, then we need to _think_ good things to make a good _story_ happen for them!”

Kenny’s eyes went wide and he looked down at Butters’ stomach, horror-struck. He dropped flat to the bed and crawled forward kissing all over the round swell of Butters’ tummy.

“I’m sorry! Ohhh man, kids, I’m so, so sorry! It’s gonna be fine! You’re not going to hurt your Mom, and I’m not gonna hurt you, and you’re uh- you’re gonna be so happy and successful that it’s gonna be practically _surprising_!”

Butters laughed helplessly, the kisses tickling his stomach, and wrapped his arms around Kenny’s head, holding him there for a moment. “Calm down, mister! I _just_ figured it out _now_ , and we’re still real early into all this! I think we’re gonna be okay, as long as we’re careful from now on, okay?”

Kenny nodded vigorously, his nose and forehead rubbing against Butters’ midsection. “You got it, buddy.” He pressed another kiss, this time to Butters’ bellybutton. “Message received loud and clear.”

In the weeks since, Butters and Kenny still did their research, and they still felt worried- as Butters put it “a person can’t help what they _feel_ , after all!”

But from that night on, they’d kept their conversations about the upcoming birth positive. And in the half light of morning when he crept to bed after work, Kenny whispered nothing but promises and benedictions to their babies. “You’ll be fine. Your Mommy will be fine. We love you, we love you, we love you, and everything is going to be okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our poor worried dears. For anyone asking why Butters isn't strictly fully male, I'd recommend reading the first story in the series, which offers a short explanation. :)
> 
> The next chapter is a short one where we hear a little more about their past together, and another special person from Kenny's past, too. Coming soon after that, the big meeting about Cartman finally starts with their classmates and we get to hear Butters' Big Plan!
> 
> As always, drop by and let me know if you like the story so far, or if there was something mentioned that you wanted to hear more about- I might have a place to work it into the story, and if not it might make a nice interlude!


	3. In which Kenny has a Smoke and Remembers a Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle and Stan bring up their plans for college, and Kenny decides now would be a good time to go have a smoke and think about the pain in his past and the possibilities in his future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read, liked it, and commented so far! Your feedback gives me *life*.  
> Special thanks as always to thelastflower and fallingwthstyle for your encouragement and comments! It's so wonderful to hear from people reading the story, and so helpful to know what parts people like best! :D

Seeing that the logistics of the birth was a topic that clearly upset Kenny and Butters, Stan quickly changed the subject again. Thanks to the hand resting on his back, Kenny felt (rather than saw) the tension ease out of Butters. He was grateful to Stan for his (belated) discretion- anything that took some stress off Butters was fucking stellar in Kenny's book.

Unfortunately, the discussion took a turn that still made Kenny’s stress dial up to eleven. As grateful as he was to get away from talk of the birth, the _next_ to last thing he wanted to talk about was Stan and Kyle’s after-summer plans. They were talking about packing up and loans and majors and activities and dorms and COLLEGE. The whole thing just made Kenny’s insides squirm.

_Can’t handle this shit right now._

Kenny didn’t want to hear about Stan and Kyle leaving. He didn’t want to think about the very real possibility that college might never be in the cards for him or Butters. Even just thinking about filling out all those damn forms or coming up with the cash exhausted him beyond belief.

He hadn’t even saved up enough to propose to Butters and marry him properly yet (something he desperately wanted to do) never mind saving enough to send either of them to school. Even with Butters’ tutoring and his work at the South Park Library, in addition to _Kenny’s_ three jobs, they barely made enough to get by.

And now they also had kids on the way.

So, Kenny finished his cocoa in a hurry and excused himself to go out for a smoke. Butters glanced at him and seemed to guess that he was ill at ease, because before he let Kenny leave the table he reached out beneath it and squeezed his hand gently.

Sometimes, Kenny wondered what he could have possibly done to deserve someone who loved him like this. Sometimes he considered that maybe it was less about “deserving”, and more about some cosmic force understanding that two people just really needed each other. Kenny dropped a quick kiss on Butters’ cheek and slid out the door.

Kenny got out in the open air and took a few deep breaths. Even in June it hadn’t warmed too much thanks to their altitude, and the mountain air always made him feel calmer. He debated with himself whether or not to actually _have_ the cigarette now that he was there; they were fucking expensive and his nerves were already a little soothed just by being out here away from that conversation.

Ultimately though, he still felt a little shaky, so he decided to indulge. Kenny eyed up the pack, poking it open with one finger. Considering how many he had left, and how little he’d be smoking soon, he figured he probably wouldn’t need to break into his new one for a day or two anyway.

He’d be spending a lot of time running around as Mysterion for the next few days, and he had a long-standing rule that he never smoked in his costume. When he was a kid it was mostly because he didn’t want Karen thinking her “angel” used anything like cigarettes or alcohol.

He may have picked up some self-destructive habits from their parents, but as his little sister’s hero, the _last_ thing he wanted to do was to effectively _endorse_ those lessons and reinforce them to Karen. Kenny, the big brother, could be fallible. Mysterion, the angel, had to be above reproach.

He lifted his hand for a puff and tried to remember when he’d developed his other rules about smoking: no smoking in the house, no smoking in the car- basically he avoided doing it anywhere it could get at other people’s lungs. He wouldn’t even let Butters come with him when he snuck out of class for his breaks.

Some of the idiots he used to run with made fun of him for it, but once he hit high school Kenny had started taking secondhand smoke pretty seriously. And there was a good fucking reason for that. Tana. God, hopefully, rest her soul.

\---

The thing was, Butters actually used to get sad and a little offended that Kenny didn’t want him to come along while he went out for a smoke. He seemed to think Kenny didn’t want him there because he thought Butters wasn’t “cool enough” to hang out with the assholes Kenny sat with behind the school. Kenny refused to budge on the issue- but he couldn’t bear to have Butters believing that Kenny didn’t think well of him.

So, finally, one drunken summer night as the light faded behind the school, Kenny opened up his dusty box of feelings and told Butters about Tana.

Up until Kenny was fourteen, his family’d had this sweet old neighbor, Ultana McConnell. She was a sparkly-eyed old lady who loved Halloween and practical jokes, and she’d taken a shine to the McCormick kids almost right away. She was on a fixed income like they were, but she used to give him and Karen and Kevin snacks sometimes anyway, and they had a standing invitation to knock on her door pretty much any hour of the day.

Odd as it seemed to some people, Kenny was ecstatic about this friendship with their elderly neighbor and Kevin and Karen were pleased about it too. Frankly, it was a fucking treat to occasionally have the option to skip out during Carol and Stuart’s raging arguments and escape to a soft, warm place full of candy for a few hours. And, honestly, Tana had been good company anyway, though Kenny struggled to put her into words when explaining her to Butters.

Kenny’s head, resting against the brick school wall’s fading heat, rolled to look at his boyfriend. “She was like, like _the best_ , Butters. She’d ask me and Karen and Kevin over for tea and play all this, like, old Irish music? And she’d show us these pictures of her family and the house where she used to live.”

He blinked at Butters hazily. “I always figured it was cause she missed her own kids and grandkids who lived a few towns over. They could only visit on the weekends.” Butters, his attention rapt, made a sympathetic noise.

Kenny’s face stayed tilted towards Butters, but his gaze turned inward to the past. “I don’t know man. If it was just any random old lady, maybe the stuff she showed us wouldn’t have been so interesting, but I really liked her. She had this wicked sense of humor and, and she knew how to tell a story so it was really _funny_. And she never made us call her “Mrs.” or any stuffy shit like that.”

He looked at Butters closely, trying to focus his eyes despite the effects of the Jack he’d snuck from his Dad’s stash. Butters, smiling fondly at Kenny’s owlish blinking, took his hand and twined their fingers together. Kenny brought their joined hands up to his mouth to kiss them.

There was a moment of companionable silence. Then Kenny remembered what he was talking about and adopted an Irish brogue, shaking a finger with his other hand, “’Just you call me ‘Tana’, she’d say. ‘And none uh this ‘missus’ nonsense! I’m not anyone’s missus anymore.’”

Kenny looked at Butters blearily again. “She looked a little sad when she said that part, actually, but I never thought about it much. I wish I had. I dunno. I think she missed her husband.” He shrugged miserably. “From what she said, he was funny too, and they used to like sitting up playing card games at night.”

Kenny felt his throat lock up a little, remembering her cheery old voice scolding him and decided to recount a story to Butters. “Actually, one time I was cheating at cards, dude?”

Butters, captivated and curious, nodded.

Kenny continued, “A-And she like, dressed me down for it, man. She was like,” He slipped back into her accent for the retelling, using both hands to imitate holding up a hand of cards.

“‘Now, _Kenny_ m’dear, you mustn’t cheat like that.’” He broke off, grinning at Butters. “Then she _winked at me_ dude, and said ‘Ye’ll get _caught_ and get yer arse beat. I’ll show ye how to do the thing _properly_.’”

Butter giggled, one hand over his mouth and his eyes wide with surprise. “She sounds like she was a r-real class act, Ken.” He smiled at Kenny encouragingly.

Kenny made an unhappy noise. “She _waaas,_ dude. All mischief-? _Mischievous_. God, she was so _cool_ , Butters.” Kenny was pretty drunk, but he knew his expression must have gotten sad because Butters scooted closer and took his hand again.

“But then she was just, just _gone_ , man. Just, POOF.” He gestured wildly with the hand Butters wasn’t holding. “Me and Karen knocked on her door one day, and Tana’s son answered instead.” Kenny swallowed, his eyes aimed at his sneakers, unfocused and lost in memory.

“I’ll never forget it. He was covered in all this fuckin’ dust and crap, and like, holding a cleaning rag when he came to the door. He said that his mom had died of cancer.” Kenny barely registered Butters’ soft little gasp at his side.

“Karen and me were both really shocked and fucked up over it, dude. Apparently Tana knew she was sick for a long time, but couldn’t bear the thought of dealing with chemo or surgery, cause she was tired, and didn’t have the money?” Kenny was full out crying by now, and Butters, holding him close, didn’t seem to be far behind.

“She kept it a _secret_ , dude! Even from her family. From what I heard later, she was worried cause they didn’t have money either, and she thought that they would try to pay for her to go to the hospital. And she was thinking that they’d go into debt and make her go to the hospital to try treatment, and she wanted to die in her own house on her own terms?”

Kenny must have been getting tears and snot all over Butters’ shirt, but Butters didn’t complain, just held Kenny close and stroked his back. Kenny whimpered a little, pressing his forehead against Butters’ neck, and Butters just rocked him quietly until he was able to go on. Finally, after a few minutes, Kenny managed a full breath. He returned to his tale.

“Mr. McConnell was pretty choked up, but he said was happy to see ‘the kids who kept my Mom company.’ Then he asked us to wait a minute because Tana left instructions that any food in her kitchen was supposed to go to ‘the wee ones down the way.’”

Kenny swallowed back some of the tears, shaking his head and pulling back to try and look into Butters’ eyes. “Even when she wasn’t around, she was looking out for us, Butters. And Karen and I were just sitting at her kitchen table like it was any other day after school. We couldn’t believe she was gone.” He looked away, scuffing the ground with his shoe.

“The worst part was we couldn’t figure out how we missed that she was so sick. I mean, cancer is frickin’ serious.” Butters nodded somberly, but stayed silent.

“And I know it’s on all the package warnings and shit,” Kenny clenched Butters’ hand reflexively, and Butters looked confused till Kenny went on.

“But like, Tana’s house smelled like, like that floral perfume (you know the kind all grammas seem to wear?) and _cinnamon cookies_. Her place didn’t have that stale smoke smell like our rathole, so the thought never crossed my fuckin’ mind that cigarettes had anything to _do_ with -.”

He swallowed hard, and his mouth was sourly dry from alcohol and tears. “Not til we went to her wake anyway.” He mussed up his hair in agitation, falling silent for a few moments, and Butters rubbed his shoulders soothingly.

“Aww Ken. What happened at the wake? U-unless you don’t want to say…”

“Nah, it’s alright.” Kenny sniffed a little, lost in thought. “Just, a bunch of her extended family was talking really quiet in the corner about Tana’s husband. He died a bunch of years before her, and _she_ never smoked- but I guess from what they said that he _did_.”

Kenny paused, swallowing past the aching in his throat again. “Apparently, when Tana died, the autopsy said that the cancer showed all these typical signs of being caused by years of smoking.” Kenny looked at Butters through eyes that felt rubbed raw.

“That dude croaked _years_ ago, Butters. And his habit is probably _still_ what killed her.” Kenny shook his head, attempting to master his voice again. “It’s so fucked up, Butters, but even _knowing that_? I still can’t kick it, man.” He tried to get his eyes to focus on Butters’ face through his blurry vision. “You know how, cause of how stressed out I get?”

Butters nodded gravely, hugging Kenny closer. They’d discussed it before, but Kenny’s anxieties about where his next death was coming from were a big factor in why he smoked and drank so much. Butters was always really kind about it, which is why Kenny preferred his company over Stan or Kyle when he was getting nervous.  Kenny hugged him back, and then pulled away a little and went on with a passionate, determined voice.

“B-but I _swore_ man, after that? I’d at least never light up in the house again. And if Mom and Dad do, I yell at ‘em. Like, I know _I’ll_ probably never die permanently from smoking, but Karen and Kevin _could_. And we’re too fucking poor to do shit if one of them gets sick.” By this time, Kenny was shivering with his head resting on Butters’ shoulder again, unable to remember getting there.

“She was pretty much the closest-“ Kenny’s voice cracked and he took a second before going on “the closest thing I ever had to a real grandma who gave a shit about me or Kevin or Karen. Kevin even _liked_ her, and he doesn’t like a lot of people, Butters.”

He rubbed his face against Butters’ neck, sighing. “And _you_ know how good Kev is with emotional stuff. When we told him she’d died, he punched a hole in the wall, and didn’t come out of his room for the rest of the day. Like. At _all_. He peed out the fucking window!”

Kenny’s drunken state had him shuddering hard by now. Butters, who had been listening quietly with a sad expression, hugged him and tried to rub some warmth into Kenny’s arms.

“I bet I w-woulda liked her a lot too,” whispered Butters, holding Kenny close and stroking his hair. “I’m real sorry Ken.” There was deep regret in his voice, and though Kenny didn’t know why at the time, he felt like maybe Butters understood about this sort of thing.

“Me too, man. Meee, too. I bet she woulda _LOVED you_. I showed _her_ pictures of all of us kids sometimes, and she thought you were frickin’ adorable.” (Years later when Kenny knew more about _Butters’_ Grandma, the bitch, he wished even more that Butters had met Tana. Everyone, he felt, deserved a Gramma like Tana.)

Kenny’s bloodshot eyes zeroed in on Butters again, and the look in them was pleading. “But do ya see? I -can’t. Please. Don’t? Don’t ask to be around when I smoke, okay? I _like_ you. I don’t ever want to be the reason your life gets worse.” He swayed a little in Butters’ arms and leaned forward, lightly kissing the scar on his eyelid “’ve done more than enough of that for a lifetime.”

Butters just hugged him harder, holding him close as night fell around them and the summer bugs and frogs started their chirruping music. He never asked to come out on Kenny’s breaks again.

\---

In Kyle’s backyard, Kenny took the final puff and stubbed out the cigarette, waving it around for a second before carrying it inside with him to toss in the trash. There were going to be a lot of changes coming in his life soon now that he was going to be a Dad. He eyed the stub in his hand- maybe this would have to be one of those changes, especially considering how damn expensive they were. Still contemplating his habits and the future, Kenny headed back toward the kitchen.

He nodded at the guys as he passed them for the sink. They were finishing up the last of their drinks, and there was a peaceful silence in the room, punctuated mostly by sipping noises.

Butters caught his eyes, glanced at the cigarette, and smiled at him gently. _Little mind reader_. Kenny shook his head wryly- it actually wasn’t _that_ surprising. Anyone who knew him as well as Butters did would have been able to guess what Kenny’d been thinking about.

He wet the crumpled end of his smoke under the faucet and looked at it for a second before tossing it into the trash. So, maybe it was quitting time. But... _Thoughts for another day, McCormick_.

Kenny dropping his habit could wait until _after_ they handled this stressful little mess with Cartman.

 _Heh_. Kenny cracked his knuckles. He was almost looking forward to this…

He reclaimed his seat at the table and took Butters’ hand. Then discussion began on the real reason they were there that day: what was their plan for really taking Cartman out of the picture? What could they do to ensure that the most sneaky and determined person they knew would suddenly decide they weren’t worth the trouble?

The answer, apparently, was ‘be twice as sneaky and determined’. And as Kenny listened to Kyle’s updates on what Cartman had been up to, and then to Butters explaining his plot to make Cartman back off, Kenny felt genuinely impressed and excited. _This could WORK_ , he thought, proud of Butters, _this could actually really work_.

 _Toast_ , Kenny smirked to himself, halfway through hearing Butters’ plan; _Cartman is toast._ He looked around at his friends with pride warming his chest. _I knew that between the four of us, that little bastard would never stand a chance._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter brings more of the boys around to Kyle's place, and we finally get to hear what Butters has planned to send Cartman packing out of their business! (GO GET HIM BUTTERS!)
> 
> As always, drop in and tell me what you think of how the story is shaping up! (That includes anything you'd like to hear more about in this universe, or any questions you might have.)
> 
> If you wanted to reach me anonymously or in a different place, I'm also on tumblr, at outlawrites.tumblr.com. :)


	4. Butters' Big Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which some of the boys' friends finally arrive at Kyle's house, and Butters reflects on the cruelty of some people in town and reveals his plan to take Cartman down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out! But on the plus side it's longer?

At the end of the hour, as predicted, the rest of the guys had showed up one by one. Butters watched as Kyle ushered them in with varying levels of welcome:

“Hey Token! Thanks for linking me to that article, it really clinched my argument for the final paper.”

“Hiya Clyde. How’s things at home?”

A single, formal head nod. “Craig.”

Butters observed all this quietly from the kitchen, absently chewing a macaroon. It was so _nice_ when the fellas all got together like this. It warmed him right up to see that they still had some decent people in this town willing to stand with them. For Butters and Kenny, and anyone else a little different, friends were hard to come by in small-minded mountain town.

Kenny had always slept around a lot and from a pretty early age. So, even when some of his partners were guys, people dismissed it as ‘just typical slutty McCormick shit’. It barely seemed to surprise them. “That boy just doesn’t care _where_ he puts it,” they’d mutter and then go about their day- disapproving but otherwise not terrifically interested.

But the whole darn community had a helluva lot to say when “Linda and Stephen’s kid, that odd, well-behaved little boy” turned out to be gay.

Nobody had really known about Butters until he started dating Kenny seriously. People only found out then because they both refused to play nice and pretend they weren’t a couple like some of the other few queer people in town did. (Not, frankly, that Butters blamed them- as unfair and wrong as it was, sometimes a lie was the price you paid for peace in a small town.)

Butters just didn’t see the point of pretending for him and Kenny, because they were so touchy that trying to act like they was just buddies in public would have been painful. (And if he were honest, they’d probably only last a few days before slipping up.) After a lifetime (each) of people treating them unkindly, both he and Kenny soaked up every kind word and gesture off each other like sponges made for affection. And that was just fine- that was how they liked it.

Doesn’t mean everyone else did.

When Butters had moved out of his parents’ house, finally unable to stand their daily dangerous bullshit and their disregard for his safety or happiness, the sideways whispers in town had moved to blatant cold shoulders. People just didn’t want to believe that their precious neighbors could be so bad- so they figured the fault lay with him. Butters still got pretty sore about that.

Just because his parents were older, didn’t mean they were _right_ ; just because Butters was in love with Kenny, didn’t mean that his mind was too “clouded” to see how cruel his parents really were. What made Butters even angrier were people saying that Kenny had somehow corrupted him, that it was Kenny’s fault he wasn’t still sitting at home like a good, obedient son.

 _Fiddlesticks,_ Butters thought furiously. _What garbage_. But people persisted in believing that there was no way Butters would have made the decision to leave home on his own. The town-wide consensus (at least among anyone over 35) was that the ‘horrible slutty McCormick kid’ must have seduced and manipulated ‘that stupid sheltered Stotch boy’ into living in sin with him.

“Otherwise,” Butters heard an old man muttering at the grocery store “why would he have given up a good house and no bills to go starve with the McCormick mongrel?” Butters had nearly turned to scream at that particular idiot, but frankly the last thing he needed was to give them more ammunition. “Look at how easily he gets angry!” they’d say. “Clearly he’s not rational!”

Butters often wished people would stop being so cowardly and say these things to him directly, because then he could at least defend himself and Kenny without looking like a loon. Honestly, besides being _shockingly_ out of line, the people giving them such a hard time were also pathetically misinformed- they didn’t understand the situation at all!

How many of the fools judging him had _any idea_ what his life at home used to _really_ be like? How many of them had ever known what real love was worth?

Yes, Butters could admit it, he used to be naïve, but he was never stupid- he would choose a poor house full of love over being beaten and gagged with a silver spoon any damn day of the week.

And now, with the (illegally leaked, _thank you very much_ ) announcement of his pregnancy, it seemed like the worst people in town had finally reached past their qualms about putting Butters down to his face. He wasn’t sure if it said more about him or the situation that he was practically relieved. Some people’s reactions were horrible, but some were so over-the-top that he nearly cried from laughing instead of getting upset.

One guy last week had seen Butters walking nearby and nearly jumped out of his skin. Butters had to smother a snicker when the idiot actually crossed himself and then the street. _Jesus alive_ , thought Butters, _it’s twins, not demons. And if you’re concerned about the Anti-Christ, Damien went home years ago._

What probably bothered Butters the most was what all this negative attention did to Kenny. People were being nastier than usual to him too, and it worried Butters. Kenny, meanwhile, was less concerned about what people said to him, but got furious and miserable over what they said to Butters.

That was just their way- no one had ever valued them enough growing up, but by God they were gonna value each other. So, they’d always gotten more offended on each other’s behalf than for themselves- and this time it was tearing Kenny up all the more because he blamed _himself_ for how people were treating Butters.

“I mean, it’s not fucking fair,” Kenny said, his face pressed to his comfort-spot against Butters’ neck. “You’re so fucking _good_ , dude. You don’t deserve any of this shit just because you’re shacking up with my sorry ass.” Butters was heartbroken to feel wetness against his neck. Kenny was crying.

Well, that was just the last fuckin’ straw. Nobody ever got to make his Kenny cry. Not ever.

Butters pulled back from Kenny and forced him to raise his face. He looked at him dead on and took up his most severe voice. “What would you propose we do _differently_ , Kenneth?”

He almost felt bad when Kenny’s wet eyes got wide, but this _needed_ to be said, and now- before any of those stupid jerks in town got the satisfaction of making them miserable. Butters put his hands on his hands on his own hips and addressed his lover sternly.

“Would you do anything different, Ken? Not love me? Not be mine? Not help me get my miracle?” He crossed his arms over his chest, staring Kenny down. “These are OUR kids, Ken. Are you telling me you regret being a part of how they got here?”

Kenny was still wide-eyed and his mouth trembled. He shook his head in denial, but Butters didn’t let up. “No? Then how is it _your_ fault, mister? And anyway,” he drew himself up tall and stared Kenny down firmly “Don’t _I_ get a say in all this? Who put _you_ in charge of what’s good for _me_ anyway?”

Kenny bit his lip. He knew Butters was right. Thinking that way really was against their rules- even though it came from a good place, it showed a lack of respect for the other person’s choices.

They’d promised to never do something for the other person’s “good” without consulting them first, and after the recent events with Cartman, they’d sworn to never lie about it if someone was treating them shitty just to protect each other. “You’re right dude. I’m sor-”

Butters cut him off and pressed on, his arms still crossed over his chest, “And besides! These idiots are talking out of their b-butts! As if you could ‘corrupt’ me- haven’t they been paying attention? Who’s the villain here, anyway!” He looked down his nose at Kenny haughtily.

“ _You_ corruptin’ _me_?” he looked away, with a derisive toss of his head. “Shoot. Don’t make me laugh.”

Kenny had barely suppressed a strangled sort of giggle at the mention of Butters’ villainy, but since he seemed to be finally pulling out of his funk, Butters graciously chose to ignore the slip-up.

“A-anyway Kenny, given the ugly, judgmental way most of these people live their lives, I don’t think they get to say a damn word. You’re _mine_. And you’ll be mine until the day you decide you aren’t. And that’s none of anybody’s business but _ours_.”

Kenny, shuddery and relieved, leaned in and rested his head at Butters’ throat again. “I- Thanks dude. You’re right,” Kenny sniffed. He embraced Butters tightly, hungrily accepting the hug he got in return. And even now, Butters could still feel Kenny’s warm breath against his ear when he whispered “I’m never going anywhere.”

-

So, seeing that they had still had friends around this town, seeing how they were willing to support them against Cartman’s threats- it just meant the world to Butters.

Butters walked up to Kenny and took his hand as they followed the guys downstairs for the meeting. _We’re not alone, Ken. We’re_ not _alone. And I’m not going anywhere either._

\-------------

When they reached the basement, Butters took the time to settle himself down carefully, and let Kenny start off the meeting.

“Hey guys.” Kenny addressed the circle gathered for the meet-up. “Now that you’re all here, I’d like to just say thank you to everyone who could make it.”

Butters made sure to wave cheerily from behind the table where he and Kenny were sitting at the head of the circle. All the fellas (besides Kyle and Stan) nodded back in acknowledgment.

Butters looked over as Kyle piped up. “First order of business- does anyone believe they were being monitored or followed here today, or recently?”

Craig scoffed loudly. “You guys think we’re some kind of amateurs.”

Butters watched as Stan and Kyle blinked at each other, and then looked back at Craig’s end of the table.

Instead of Craig, Token spoke up this time. “We have our own protocols for preventing unwanted attention.” He glanced at Craig and Clyde, and then went on. “We have someone distract the target. That’s why Jimmy’s not here this time. It’s his turn.”

Clyde broke in, “Actually, he said since we can catch him up later, he would have volunteered anyway.”

Craig nodded in agreement. “He figured that it would be the most difficult for Cartman to shake him off. He’s been more defensive and edgy around him lately cause he doesn’t want anyone to see him being shitty to a disabled kid.”

Token smirked. “And Jimmy went into this mission with a long list of jokes he cut from his act. He said that batch wasn’t good enough to include in one of his shows, and definitely too crappy to inflict on people he actually likes.”

Token looked over at Craig and Clyde who seemed to be restraining laughter. "So, Cartman has probably been staring at a wall somewhere with a placid expression and creatively imagining Jimmy’s death for oh, about 15 minutes now.”

Kenny muffled a laugh in his hand, and Butters leaned toward the table to speak. “W-well, you just tell Jimmy that we’re really grateful. That was really nice of him.”

Craig just shrugged, but Token nodded in assent. “Yeah, we’ll let him know. He doesn’t mind though- he told me he’s been wanting a chance to annoy Cartman since last month. He said some rude shit to Jimmy’s girlfriend.”

“Cartman’s just been making friends all over the damn place, hasn’t he?” muttered Stan. Kyle snorted.

Clyde raised his hand “Tweek also said he’d have liked to help, but he has too many responsibilities and hours at the store.”

“That and he’s afraid that if he knows our plans, he’ll accidentally spill the beans,” added Token. “Too much- well. You know.”

“Noted,” said Kenny appreciatively.

Butters, meanwhile, nodded in sympathy. “You tell him we said thank you anyway, alright?”

Clyde shot Butters a lazy wink and a gun. “You got it.”

Kenny’s gaze slid over to Craig. “Now, as for _your_ involvement I-“

“Ninja.”

Kenny stuttered to a halt, blinking. “Whuh, uh, what?” Butters settled back in chair, guiltily enjoying Kenny’s bewilderment a little- typically Kenny only got this confused after working a few shifts in a row, so Butters felt it was unfair to laugh. He just made the cutest darned expressions when he didn’t understand what was going on…

Craig elaborated, “I wasn’t one of your stupid little superheroes before, so I’ll just help out dressed as my old ninja character.”

 _Ooh._ Butters knew precisely what his boyfriend was thinking about when Kenny’s guilty gaze slid over to him at top speed, and then zoomed back to Craig.

“Dude, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.” Kenny frowned. “Also, don’t you actually HAVE powers? Like, Peruvian magic eye beams or whatever?”

Craig made a face of deep distaste. “No.”

Kyle and Stan exchanged a look. “Yeah, you do,” said Stan.

“We saw you use them,” added Kyle.

Craig crossed his arms over his chest and just stared them down. There was a good 15 seconds of awkward silence in which most of the people in the secret meeting room were staring at Craig, and Craig was staring back.

Butters, looking back and forth between Craig and everyone else, wasn’t quite sure what to think about it, but-if he had to sum it up? Well.

Craig did _not_ blink first.

Kenny finally looked down and put his hands up, shaking his head in frustrated disbelief, and broke the silence; Butters had to look down so he didn’t giggle. “…okay, look whatever, it doesn’t matter. It’s not like we need your powers for this anyway,” Kenny said.

“Good.” said Craig simply.

“Really?” muttered Kyle. Stan elbowed him.

“ANYWAY-”stated Kenny loudly, “we were only waiting on two more people, but they’re tying up some loose ends and can’t get here yet. They said to start without them.”

“Who else are we waiting for?” asked Clyde. “MintBerry Crunch?”

Butters’ eyes widened. Even though he avoided looking right _at_ Kenny, from the corner of his eye he could see his boyfriend’s mouth twist up like he’d just sucked a lemon. _Hoo boy_. _Bad question, Clyde_.

“Yeah, is there a reason we didn’t invite Biggle?” said Token, raising an eyebrow and glancing at the others. Kenny twitched, and his angry pulse was practically _visible_. Butters attempted to keep his face blank as he stifled another laugh, this one deep down in his chest.

“Isn’t he like, the only one out of the superheroes with _actual_ superpowers?” droned Clyde, curiously. _Battin’ a thousand today, Clyde!_ Butters thought. _I‘m starting to think_ you’ve _got a superpower too- ticking Ken off_.

Kenny had a kung-fu grip on the table’s edge and (from what Butters could tell) seemed to be narrowly avoiding some sort of aneurysm from suppressed irritation.

Butters was amused- but ultimately empathetic. Some things were just always going to bother a person on principle, he thought. And it’s not like it would even do any good to tell them the truth… _My poor frustrated lil guy_. So, biting his lip to hold in the laughter, he decided to step in before Kenny literally flipped a table.

“I’m not sure how _his_ powers would be of any help for this operation either, fellas. This is more about tactical advantages and acting.” He slid an eye toward Kenny and decided to add “And _anyway_ that kid can’t act worth a damn!”

He gently stroked a finger over Kenny’s hand and was pleased to see Kenny’s profile and grumpy expression relax a little. _Big ol’ kittycat,_ Butters thought, fondly.

“If you say so,” said Clyde.

“Well, if it’s not him, then who are the other people?” asked Craig.

Kenny and Butters sat back in their chairs. “Wendy and Bebe,” said Butters.

“Ohhh,” said Token, his expression satisfied. “Gotcha.”

Clyde blinked, looking at the other guys. “Gotcha? Did I miss something? What did I miss?”

Kyle glanced at Kenny and, at his nod, explained “We need people who weren’t involved in the superhero thing before. Not involved as _superheroes_ , anyway.”

Butters’ head bobbed in agreement. “In my original plan, it was just gonna be me, Bebe and Wendy in on it.” He threw an apologetic glance at Kenny, even thought they’d hashed through this and he’d already been forgiven. Kenny merely squeezed his hand in response, and Butters relaxed again.

“Bebe was gonna let me pretend to kidnap her as Professor Chaos, and then Wendy would have spread the word in such a way that Eric would want to _b-butt in_ as The Coon and come save her.”

“Ohh,” said Clyde.

Token frowned. “That’s stupid though. Bebe is like, a red belt. No offense, Butters, but I don’t think you could take her.”

Butters grinned a little, a little proud on Bebe’s behalf, and a little amused on his own. “N-nah, you’re right, I definitely couldn’t. Bebe and I work out together, and she lets me spar with her a little sometimes, just to teach me to defend myself. She’s lots tougher than me.”

“Then what gives?” said Clyde.

Butters rolled his eyes. “W-well fellas, you know how Eric is- he _knows_ that Bebe does karate and all, but he’s such a j-jerk about girls that he always thinks they can’t do stuff _anyway_.” Butters shrugged matter-of-factly. “He’d still think I found a way to kidnap her, just cause he’s stupid about that stuff.”

There were some grunts of agreement around the room- Butters knew they were all thinking that sounded about par for the course where Cartman was concerned. (Mostly because it was. Butters wondered, sometimes, how many years he’d wasted believing Eric Cartman about much of anything at all.)

Butters had almost missed his chance to be friends with Bebe while he unlearned all the nonsense Cartman and people like him had stuffed into his brain about girls. He’d had a lot of apologies to make, and only recently mended fences with some of the girls from their old class. But none of it would have even been necessary if people didn’t tell little kids so many stupid lies about things like gender and appearance.

Sometimes just thinking about it made him furious.

“O-only I couldn’t pick just _any_ girl;” Butters smiled impishly at the room. “ _For example_ , he’d never believe I overpowered Wendy. E-Eric knows firsthand how tough she is after she _beat his ass_ that one time.”

Kyle and Stan made appreciative noises to that, and there was a quiet moment while everyone relived the pleasant memory.

During a Harry Potter marathon in sophomore year, Kyle had once told Stan, Kenny and Butters that Wendy beating the shit out of Cartman was: a.) the closest he’d ever felt to really attracted to a girl and b.) the closest he’d ever gotten to feeling like Harry Potter.

Kyle said seeing Cartman laid to waste by Wendy’s righteous fists gave him feelings like what he imagined Harry must have had when Draco got turned into a bouncing ferret. Butters felt that this was probably accurate.

“A-anyway. We changed the plan. ” said Butters, rubbing his fists together a little. He glanced at Kenny, who smiled encouragingly, clearly proud of him. It made Butters feel sort of warm and glowy.

“W-we decided that since we know more about what Eric’s been up to and what’s motivating him, and since so many of you are being nice enough to help, we’d be able to pull off a much b-better, _bigger_ trick.”

Craig cut in, startling Butters with the uncharacteristic vehemence in his voice. “Wait, how _much_ bigger?” He pursed his lips, and his brows were drawn tight. “I really hate it when you guys let everything get _so out of hand_ , and Twe-” he paused, clearing his throat. “ _Some people_ have just started sleeping normally now that the stress from school’s over.”

Butters kept his triumphant smile to himself- he bet Stan five dollars last week that Craig and Tweek had finally started dating, and he was pretty sure he was gonna win. _Aww! Craig must be so_ happy _!_

Tweek had told Butters back in Junior year that he was refusing to date Craig while they were in high school to “give him a chance to pick someone normal.”

There were so many things wrong with that that Butters scarcely knew where to begin, but he gave it a try. He had tried to tell Tweek that that was no good, and that Tweek shouldn’t be so gosh-darned _hard_ on himself or to try and make that decision _for_ Craig, but Tweek wouldn’t listen.

Craig also disapproved, apparently. Butters overheard them afterschool in a back hallway one day, and once Tweek had stated his case, Craig came right out and said “That’s stupid. _You’re_ stupid. Date me.”

Butters had winced, thinking, ‘ _You need to work on your wooing mister!’,_ but he’d walked on instead of interfering.

Tweek had actually told Butters, though, that most of what Craig said never offended him and that he liked Craig’s bluntness. “I nngh _always_ know what’s on his m-mind. He never lies to me. Not even to be polite. He d-doesn’t AH give a shit.”

Butters thought that only made Tweek more foolish for not dating Craig, really, because probably only Tweek could find that nonsense charming.

Craig, practically out of spite, had literally refused to date anyone else- even going so far as to turn down other people who asked him. Then when the person asking left, he would turn and glare at Tweek as if to say ‘Look at this. Look at what I’m putting up with because you won’t let me put my face on you.’ Then poor lil’ Tweek would moan and put his head down on his arms and refuse to look at Craig for the rest of the day.

Butters thought it was all terribly romantic.

But dating Tweek must have made Craig even more protective and irritable, because mentioning a bigger plan had really set him off. His hands were clenching and unclenching, and Butters could have sworn the basement felt charged up, like before a summer storm. _Uh oh_.

Craig’s gaze swept the room like he was just seeing it for the first time, and he was finding fault with everyone and everything in it. A dark look flickered through his eyes. “I swear to all that is holy if you assholes are looking to have some sort of _huge_ -”

Stan’s group and Craig’s own group alike were alarmed to see Craig’s eyes begin to crackle with restrained energy around the edges. Butters hadn’t ever seen Craig’s powers before.

As a paranormal enthusiast and a villain, he would have been merely fascinated if it weren’t for the kids he was currently protecting. As it was though, gosh, he hoped Craig calmed down soon. He put both hands over his stomach under the table, not even daring to move in case it startled Craig into setting off… _whatever_ it was that energy in his eyes did.

“Chill the fuck out, Tucker,” said Kenny mildly. He jerked a thumb at Butters’ belly and raised an eyebrow. “Do we look like people who’d be excited to plan something dangerous?”

Butters nabbed Kenny’s hand impulsively and entwined it with his own, then rested them on the table, tracing Kenny’s cuticles with distracted affection. It was a real relief having a partner with such a calm voice in a situation like this. _I chose pretty darn well_ , Butters thought proudly.

“We’re aiming for minimal public attention and minimal risk, man,” said Kenny. He kept his eyes on Craig, but his hand clasped Butters’ gently. “Sound good to you?”

Craig’s shoulders relaxed, his eyes trained on Butters’ budding belly. The otherworldly light faded from his eyes, returning them to their usual (bland and unimpressed) appearance.

“Yeah,” he said. Craig lifted his gaze to Butters’ face, his voice suddenly uncertain and awkward. “And uh, congratulations?”

Butters beamed. “A-aw. Thanks Craig.” _And just like that, crisis averted_ , Butters thought, glancing around at the other fellas who looked infinitely calmer now that Craig had settled down. _I gotta remember to kiss Kenny but_ **good** _for that later_.

He patted Kenny’s hand before withdrawing his own to brace himself against the table- getting up was already starting to be a chore. (Goodness only knew how’d be getting around in five more months!) He stood, and then crossed over to a little whiteboard next to the Broflovskis’ washing machine to start really outlining the plan.

“S-so, anyway, fellas-” he gestured with a marker at the board. “Our plan is threefold. Part one: Keep quiet that we know about the surveillance in me an’ Kenny’s house. We’ll act mostly normal, but when Kenny’s not around I’ll talk to myself and drop lots of juicy hints that I’m doin’ something bad. That’ll get Eric nice and suspicious. Meanwhile, when _I’m_ not home, you guys will start holding “secret” superhero meetings at our house.” He scribbled notes on the board as he spoke.

“Part two: I’ll start to appear in specific places around town for perfectly innocent reasons, and when they’re sure Eric can overhear them, Wendy and Bebe will talk about fake crimes being committed in those places. They’ll really be selling it too, saying how nooobody knows who’s behind the crime spree.” Butters’ mouth twisted into a satisfied smile.

“The best part about phase two is how widespread it is. Wendy and Bebe told us they know a few other people, like Annie and Red and Kevin and that tall Goth fella, who wouldn’t mind helping spread the false rumors. They’ll all know it’s fake, and only talk about it to other people who know it’s fake too; but the more places Eric hears people talking about it, the more likely it is he’ll think it’s all real.”

He pointed around at the room with his marker. “And _then_ you fellas show up in your old costumes at those places and pretend to really investigate, to make it all more believable-like.”

Token whistled, raising an eyebrow.

“Nice,” said Clyde.

 _Darn right_ , Butters thought, but he just smiled and continued. “You know how Eric is- he pretends to be better than everybody, but if he sees you all ‘playing’ an old game we used to do together, he’ll get real jealous. He’ll start remembering the days when he believed HE was the town’s hero.”

Butters huffed derisively at that. He paused, throwing bedroom eyes at his boyfriend (South Park’s _real_ hero, thank you very much) who pretended to adjust his collar and preen.

Kenny rested his chin on his hands, batted his eyelashes and threw Butters a kiss. Kyle meanwhile, was making gagging noises while Stan laughed behind his hands again.

Butters, still grinning, turned back to the board with a flourish of his marker. “And then! Part three: When I _do_ pretend to kidnap Bebe ( _supposedly_ to keep her from telling people I’m the one committing all those 'crimes') Wendy will come get you guys to stop me. But- you’re gonna take your time about ‘findin’’ me. We’re gonna drop enough hints that Eric will know where I’ve taken Bebe, and that’s,” he grinned excitedly, “how we’re gonna _get_ him.”

Butters saw Kenny, suddenly serious, shift uneasily in his seat. His poor Kenny really, really didn’t like this next part of the plan, but Butters had shouted him down about it, and eventually Ken had to concede that he was right.

“Is that when you’re gonna swoop in, Mysterion?” asked Clyde. Butters saw Kyle’s mouth thin out and his eyes meeting Stan’s. They didn’t love this part of the plan either. (Butters felt a little touched about that, if he were being honest.)

“Sadly, no,” grit out Kenny. His eyes were desperate and miserable as he looked at Butters, who only put a hand on his hip and stared him down. Kenny looked away.

“You SEE, fellas,” said Butters, still looking very pointedly at Kenny. “Eric won’t ever do what we _need_ him to do if he actually feels threatened. He’s actually _real_ afraid of Kenny sometimes, because he considers him an actual threat. Eric is a big ol’ bully, and bullies are darn cowards.”

Butters looked back at the others. “So, for a little while there, it’s gonna have to be just me there with him, all alone.”

Kenny’s eyes flew back to Butters, a sharp look on his face, and Butters raised a hand at him and went on hurriedly. “A-AND Bebe.” Kenny’s shoulders slumped in relief- he had categorically refused to agree to Butters’ plan until his boyfriend added the condition that he wouldn’t be _actually_ alone with Cartman.

“Bebe is gonna be f-fake-tied up and pretendin’ to be unconscious.” Butters shot a fondly aggravated look at Kenny, who sighed. Butters continued explaining to everyone, but mostly directed his words at Kenny.

“If _anythin’, ANYTHING_ at all seems to be going wrong” he said, his tone firm and reassuring, “then Bebe will be there. I won’t have to do any fightin’ at all,” he finished, one hand on his stomach, his eyes still on Kenny.

Kenny lifted his own gaze from the table, his jaw muscles clenched, and Butters met his eyes with his chin lifted defiantly. The look between them carried a conversation that excluded the rest of the room, and everyone found their own way to deal with it.

Craig eyed the wall uncomfortably. Token took great interest in his cell phone. Stan and Kyle had their own silent conversation, which mostly seemed to be referencing the one Kenny and Butters were having. Finally Clyde couldn’t take it anymore and faked a cough.

“SO, HAHA, guys?”

The whole room focused on Clyde. He squirmed in his seat. “I uh, probably missed that too, but what _are_ we trying to get Cartman to do?” Everyone, interested, turned their attention back to Butters at the whiteboard. Butters smiled.

“No, you didn’t miss it, Clyde,” Butters said kindly. He remembered Clyde’s ill-treatment at the hands of teachers during their school days and added, “That was a good question, buddy.”

Clyde beamed, running a hand through his hair, and looking vaguely pleased with himself. Butters hid a grin and went on. “What we’re trying to do is get Cartman to do what he does best.”

“Eat?” said Token.

Kenny cracked up laughing.

“Scheme?” contributed Stan, his eyes merry. Stan knew the real answer from their earlier discussion in the kitchen.

“Scheme to eat,” said Craig flatly. The whole room lost it, wheezing with laughter, and even Craig quirked up a lip at his own joke.

When they’d composed themselves a little, Butters shook his head, getting out his last few giggles. “N-now fellas! That’s not _nice_. We don’t hate Eric f-for bein’ fat. We’re just sore at him because he’s an a-asshole.”

At this, Kyle rolled his eyes and Kenny’s hand came up over his own mouth, concealing the mirth in his expression. Butters could tell what they were thinking- that even when the person in question was his enemy, Butters was so damn _honorable_.

Kenny thought he was good at hiding it, but he’d always clearly questioned Butters’ ability to be a “real” villain. Butters knew better- no _hero_ was ever so good at plotting this way- but he felt the point wasn’t worth arguing since these days he was basically a redeemed villain anyhow.

“Okay, but, seriously” said Token, gesturing at the board “what are we trying to accomplish here?”

“It’s nothing really big, honestly,” said Kenny. He glanced at Butters, who nodded at him to continue. “Basically we’re getting him to make an ass of himself in a way he can’t take back.”

“Y-yeah.” Butters agreed. “We’re gonna use his own tactics against him really. I-it’s only fair."

"Ya see, the place me and Bebe will be is gonna be all wired up to record Eric showing up in his costume. His ego won’t let him resist the chance to prove HIS hero was always the best of you all. I’m gonna get him to confess everything on tape- all the stuff about recording us, ya know? And then we’ll have evidence of the illegal stuff he’s been doing.”

“And on top of that,” Kenny continued, “the fact that he’s in his old costume again will tie him to all the other bullshit he used to do as the Coon.” He pointed around the room.

“Out of all of us here, mine is the only secret identity to ever be exposed, but Cartman and I had battles big enough to get _worldwide_ attention. For whatever reason, maybe because he was never _unambiguously_ exposed, people don’t seem to remember that and they don’t hold what he did against him. That said- I’m willing to bet they won’t forget a second time, especially if it’s tied to the screwed up shit he’s been doing now.”

“Two questions-” Token paused “not that it doesn’t sound good so far-but a.) How do you intend to get him to confess? And b.) How do you intend to get any charges to _stick_ to that piece of shit?”

Token looked around the room at everyone else with a frustrated expression. “You said it yourself- no one remembers the horrible things he does- or they just don’t charge him for any of it. I mean, you do remember that he’s literally _gotten away with murder_.” Clyde, wide-eyed, nodded vigorously.

Kyle made a noise of agreement at that and Clyde and Token’s attention shifted to him. “You’re right about that part, dude. He gets away with way more than even the average whiny little white kid in a hick town. And his new connections in North Park only make it _more_ likely that he’ll get away with it this time.”

“Except” interjected Stan, one eyebrow raised, and a smirk curling his lip “that’s exactly what we’re counting on.”

Craig shifted in his seat. “What.”

Kyle waved a hand around, expressively “Oh, not the getting away part- the connections part. Think about it- what does Cartman like more than anything?”

Clyde grinned and opened his mouth, apparently ready to start joking again, but Craig cut him off abruptly. “Power.”

Clyde scowled at Craig. Craig stared back impassively “I don’t have all day, Clyde. Tweek’s shift ends soon. We’re supposed to see a movie.”

“Whatever,” muttered Clyde.

Stan cleared his throat. Everyone looked that way. Kyle continued. “ANY-way, yes. Power, Craig.”

Kyle gestured at Butters listening intently by the board. “As I was explaining to these guys, Cartman has managed to ingratiate himself with the shittiest, stupidest, and quite frankly, most backwards people in North Park.”

“And also here” piped up Kenny. “I know- I hear them when I’m at work sometimes, talking about Butters and me.” He shook his head. “It’s a pretty good mixture of ignorant rednecks and rich bigoted assholes.”

“Hey!” said Clyde.

Kenny rolled his eyes. “Clyde. What are you getting offended about? The redneck thing? Did you forget who I am?” He raised an eyebrow. Clyde kept scowling stubbornly. Kenny sighed.

“Forgetting that it’s ridiculous to get offended on behalf of rednecks (what are we an ethnic group? No) you don’t even know the people I’m talking about, dude."

"I’m not talking about you or me, man. Or even like, the dude who sells us our NASCAR tickets, or that one guy who lives halfway up the mountain and actually likes eating squirrel or whatever. I mean the genuinely ignorant, prejudiced assholes that come around my work and harass the waitresses and then don’t tip. These are the kinda guys that talk shit all day about _Token and Kyle_ for no reason and think they’re being _subtle_.”

Kenny’s jaw worked tensely. “I mean the ones that don’t even like me and Butters being together in the first place, never mind having kids- and especially never mind having kids in a way that _God_ or medical science cannot _explain_.”

Butters heart was warmed when Kyle looked at Kenny sympathetically, and Stan bumped Kenny’s shoulder. Clyde’s mouth twisted up, unhappy, but resigned. “Point taken,” he said. Kenny rolled his eyes, nodding.

“The problem is,” Kyle continued, “that some of these assholes Cartman has befriended have influence and money.”

Token shook his head. “I know exactly some of the people you’re talking about,” he said, a deep frown on his face. “I’ve met some of them at parties, and they’re proof that being a small-minded douchewaffle is not relegated to any particular tax bracket or pay level.”

Butters resisted the urge to giggle. _Douchewaffle. I like that one!_

Kyle raised an eyebrow but nodded firmly in agreement. “True enough. Even worse, assholes like that are usually good at hiding that they’re bad people from most of the public- otherwise they wouldn’t have still have so much power to influence things behind the scenes.”

He grimaced. “Cartman likes being in with them because it gives him a bigger platform to spread trouble and tell lies and gain more power too. It makes him more dangerous. The good thing is- Cartman will do anything to keep that platform.”

Butters decided it was time to pipe up again. “And _that,_ fellas, is where our taped confession comes in. It’s true that, for whatever reason, it’s too hard to get anything to stick to Eric in courts and such. B-but as for his _reputation_ \- well.” Butters resisted the urge to let Chaos have a good hearty laugh.

“If we threaten to expose his illegal weird wiretapping and _runnin’ around in a costume_ to his fancy friends, he knows they might decide to cut him off and protect their own interests. So, either way, we WIN; he _has_ to stop harassing us and not do anything too bad with his power, or risk _losin’_ all that power he likes so much.”

Butters bit his lip, smiling with intentionally exaggerated innocence. “And wouldn’t that be just such a _shame_?”

There was a half second of silence before anyone reacted. Token merely whistled again, his eyes wide and his expression impressed.

“Wow” said Clyde, a huge grin on his face. “Wow, wow, wow.”

Craig, meanwhile, stood up abruptly. The guys all blinked warily. He walked over to Butters at the whiteboard.

“A-ah whuh- C-craig? What’s-” Butters stopped when Craig grabbed his hand and shook it solemnly. _What in the-_

“Thank you.” Craig said, his voice deep and his eyes wide. “Thank you for the least ridiculous, least convoluted plan I’ve ever heard any of you idiots come up with, maybe ever.” He turned, went back to his seat, and pointed at Butters. “Rock on.”

Butters beamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always for reading! It's just so much fun writing these guys, and I can't wait till next chapter, when I hopefully will start Wendy and Bebe's parts! :D You can let me know if you like how the story is going here, or over at outlawrites.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!  
> Special thanks to thelastflower for prompting this work and all their lovely encouragement, and to fallingwthstyle and DMIsMyLuv23 for their comments and encouragement too!
> 
> This is part two of this series, the first being "And Baby Makes Four".  
> This story is going to be multi-chaptered, will bring in a few of the other kids from Kenny and Butters' school, and will tie up a lot of the loose ends from the other story.
> 
> I may also choose to go on and do a part three if y'all are interested in seeing what happens after this adventure.  
> \--  
> Drop into the comments if you can please, and let me know if you liked where this sequel is going!  
> Related to that- this IS *just* a fantasy story, and Butters' intersexuality was magically induced and unusual, but PLEASE: if there's something I've said that's offensive or upsetting to intersex folks, please let me know. I just want to write a fun story, I'm not out to upset anyone.


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